Musings on the Metamorphosis of a Psychotherapist
N Ditz
~ Mark Nepo ("Three Faces")"I have carried three faces
across my life, though from within,
it's clear, they have carried me:
a woman who can stare through
the leaves of any tree, who names
the tree by the birds who sing in it
a man who works hard at
clearing paths in order to stop
where the path ends, and listen
and a small child with the heart
of a horse, eager to sniff out any
thing alive and run to it.
Together, they have led who I
thought I was through openings
wide enough for only
what is essential."
From Egg to young Caterpillar:
As I muse on the circuitous and composting landscape of my journey into becoming a holistic depth psychotherapist, I would like to share with you first that I envision my work to be the fulfillment of a true soul calling whose wing song I have heard since childhood. This sacred calling has emerged organically from the fertile habitat of my inborn temperament and aptitudes intermingled within the complex cocoon of my developmental experiences.
During my caterpillar years, I could be described as a bright, emotionally intense, strong- willed, and incessantly introspective child. I would amble about within sun stippled green mazes of neighboring Midwestern crop fields, examining the translucent molted skins of locusts, wondering about whether something of "bug essence" remained, hovering around their discarded crunchy shells.
I was incurably curious, engrossed in excited internal chatter with my world, my questions and thoughts whirring within my hummingbird mind: "What made me a girl and how was it different from being a boy or being a firefly like the ones I would capture in small glass jars to momentarily set my world aglow? Who was the 'I' fingering the rain damp corn tassels"? I wondered whether the thick oak tree felt sad if it had no creatures crouching in the belly of its gnarled hole. I was very concerned for the tiny fish and tadpoles that wiggled below the cloudy skin of a shallow creek drying up in the sun's hot stare.
As a younger child, the enchanting world of nature was my anthropomorphic and constantly changing canvas upon which I could finger paint all manner of human and holy mysteries, ideas, thoughts and emotions. The bees, grasshoppers, and flowers were indeed amongst my very first patients. I shared long, soulful conversations with these kindred companions, listened to them attentively and speculated thoughtfully on what their perspectives on life might be. I, as an earth child, intuitively seemed to understand the multilingual chirps and feathery voices palpable within pagan spring. The seeds of my spiritual sensibilities were also taking root. My Divine was pantheistic and embodied. S/he wore leaves, antennae, fur, bark, dirt, clouds, and wings.
Curled in the wild, safe and accepting lap of Mother Nature, my inner depth holistic therapist germinated and my psyche bloomed with imagination, wonder, whimsy, and deeply engaged observation. The nascent sparks of my capacity for relational empathy and mindful presence were nourished by my intimate and tangible connection to Her sentient incarnations. The natural world enveloped me in the evergreen Real and the perennial Now. This world held no applause for posturing and pretense. In Her loamy innocence, the bulbs and corms of my genuineness and aromatic Being-ness were securely planted.
N Ditz
~ Shel Silverstein"Once I spoke the language of the flowers,
Once I understood each word the caterpillar said,
Once I smiled in secret at the gossip of the starlings,
And shared a conversation with the housefly in my bed.
Once I heard and answered all the questions of the crickets,
And joined the crying of each falling dying flake of snow,
Once I spoke the language of the flowers....
How did it go?
How did it go?"